I call shenanigans on bottled water!

Are you still drinking water from plastic bottles? I don’t blame you. Somehow, some snaky marketing genius douche bag has managed to make plain old fashioned WATER into something that is bottled in plastic, shipped all around the world, sold at shockingly high prices and yet somehow everyone is completely okay with this. I have no idea how this was carried off; but it was a clever scam and we all fell for it. There are three facets to this industry that I find particularly infuriating: the resources poured into bottling and shipping, the use of mass quantities of plastic, and the price of their finished product.
Currently the planet is undergoing a period of climate change. Debate all you like but there are some undeniable facts: we are headed for catastrophic changes and the cause is increased carbon dioxide emissions. The IPCC report (before doing any arguing regarding the “existence” of climate change, I would recommend reading this document) definitively demonstrated that we are going to be severely fucked on a global scale and the only thing we can do about it is to get our shit together and reduce the severity of how hard we get fucked. So, given the that situation, why the fuck are we pouring fossil fuels into: powering water bottling plants, manufacturing plastic bottles from fossil fuels, packaging said bottles in massive amounts of plastic, and then shipping them all around the continent? This is WATER, it comes out of the fucking tap.
I understand that somehow it’s been placed into the collective consciousness that tap water is unsafe for consumption. This is total bullshit; you’re probably exposing yourself to much worse by drinking from plastic bottles that leach carcinogens like bisphenonl-A into their contents. To check on your water safety all you have to do is go to Google, find your region’s drinking water website and then read their safety reports. Perhaps this seems a little taxing, but if someone were truly concerned for their own health, and the health of their families, 10 minutes of online research doesn’t seem like such a sacrifice, and it’s probably easier than going to the store and buying a giant fucking case of useless water bottles.
OK, so clearly bottled water is terrible for the environment, and increasingly it is becoming clear that it may pose serious health risks; but what about your average fat, white, SUV driver who doesn't give a shit about either and thinks they know better than a "hippy faggot scientist" such as myself? What does this matter to them? Well, one thing someone like this understands is economics. When you look at the price of tap water versus the price of bottled the results are staggering. The average cost of a 500mL bottle of drinking water is $1.35. The cost of 500mL of water from your tap is $0.00053. So when yo do the math, $1.35 would buy you 500mL of tap water every day for SEVEN years. Can you imagine how greatful someone in Africa would be if you sent them $1.35 for safe drinking water instead? So where exactly is the incentive for buying bottled water? Why do we keep going to the grocery store and picking up case after plastic case like the one pictured above?